JJ you were a bastard!

This post is about how much Alias fucking sucks. JJ Abrams what the hell were you thinking?
Now I could periodically go through and point out all the things wrong with this show but that's guaranteed RSI. So I'm just going to quickly outline what sucks the most about Alias.

Number One: Everyone is a spy or counter spy, or counter, counter spy. Sydney's Dad, Sydney's Mum, Sydney's Flatmates, Sydney's' ex-boyfriends, Sydney's ex-boyfriends wife's. If Sydney had a fucking cat sitter they would have a deep affiliation with the covert world. At a certain point you would think Sydney would just assume every one she met was a face stealing assassin until proven otherwise.

Number Two: Every single episode involves some kind of covert, high risk mission that only the super agent Sydney Bristo can even attempt. According to my mega statistics mainframe 100% of these missions play out as follows; Sydney dresses up (usually in something really slutty, that if anything will attract far more attention than needed, although it seems that most international terrorists operate in eurotrash night clubs.), then she infiltrates the enemy complex (Eurotrash night club), then she just about achieves the objective when something fucks up (usually because someone hacked into the mainframe and stole all the internets.), then a few henchmen get killed and she barely makes it out. Pretty classic set up, but after watching this same thing play out over and over again it starts to get very very raw, like sanding your eyeballs with fine sandpaper. Just because the sandpaper is classic it doesn't mean you want to rub it on your eyes for 4 seasons (I'm only up to season 4 and it still hasn't changed, if anything its gotten even weaker and more see through.)

Number Three (final one because I'm getting bored of my own jibber): Apparently the CIA is entirely made up of complete retards. Sure they sound like they know what they're doing with their fast talk about complicated, undoubtedly CIA, things but when they let the same man ( Mr Sarc the resident bad guy) escape every week only to show up the next with another devious scheme, it becomes clear that the only prerequisites to joining the CIA is a fancy suit, a smooth quiet voice and an IQ lower than a warm cup of water. Also that Mr Sarc is actually part of Team fucking Rocket.

After watching 3 and a half seasons you start to speak to Alias with some kind of desperate hope that maybe just maybe a merciful god will hear you.
"No! CIA people don't put Sarc on that plane protected by random extras. You know the last four times you tried this he escaped with relative ease ."

That's all I have time for today.

Quick Rage Vent

I absolutely hate it when movies and TV shows over use the "Tarentino" start at the end technique. Sure its fine when its done right, but it seems that Tarentino is the only one who can use it right. Every one else fucks it up royally. Instead of inducing curiosity it just pretty much tells you what happens in the end. Its no longer original or "edgy" (what ever the fuck that means), instead its just annoying. In fact most of the time if you were to just cut the scene in which the movie shows you what's inevitably going to happen at the end it wouldn't even matter, no one would notice. It would surely save you from having to endure 10 minutes of "what the fucks going on".

Although this is incredibly annoying what really, really chaps my ass is when a movie begins at the end, then starts back at the beginning and then when it reaches the end again it plays through the whole start scene again as if it expects the average viewer to forget what they saw and hour and a half before. Again this can work if its done right (eg: snatch) but most of the time its not.

So to wrap this up; Flash Forward is the worst TV show idea that has ever been uttered from Satan's anus.

RIP fun

Well it seems the future is a dim place indeed. I didn't see this coming but the signs were there. The powers that be have deemed LAN play and dedicated servers unnecessary for pretty much every new game coming out. This is some kind of ass hat attempt to stop piracy but all its going to do is make the game less fun for people who actually buy it.
Take Left 4 Dead for example. I bought that game only to find out later on that LAN play is out of the question... unless you pirate it. Thats right the only way to LAN play Left 4 Dead is to do the exact thing they tried to stop by excluding LAN. In fact I'm pretty sure its easier to pirate any game than to fuck around with steam for two days trying to install it.

I am sad that they're trying to turn PC into the xbox. And I'm sad that in this losing war against the pirates all theyre doing is pissing off people who actually pay for their games and creating a situation where its easier and less of a head ache to just download it.

Farewell those fun LAN days and farewell those excellent dedicated servers.

Beats, Bears and Battlestar Galactica

Just a quick review on Battlestar Galactica, I've been watching it recently more out of a curious investigation. Every time I saw BSG on TV it was always incredible boring, and I would ask myself; how can a show about space ship sorties against evil robots be this boring!. So I've watched and discovered something amazing, BGS does intact have a complex and winding plot, full of twists and turns. The only problem is that its the same fucking twist over and over again, you see it turns out they're actually a Cylon, "They" being anyone in question at that moment. Im pretty sure at this stage there's more Cylon's than humans in the fleet, hell! I would be happy if they threw in the classic "She's been dead for 5 years!" just to switch it up a notch. I am really at the stage now where I say to myself while watching "Holy shit! Could it be, there's just no way that... they're not a Cylon. That would be far to unexpected." only to be disappointed in the last 5 minutes of episode with the big reveal that in fact they are a Cylon. What the fuck are they even doing in the fleet? Maybe it's because they're trying to blend in with man kind so perfectly that they think to themselves "Well if I were a real human I wouldn't plot the destruction of the last humans, so for my covers sake I better just flip these pan cakes."

So for the sake of the future I have designed the perfect Cylon test: Does the thing your testing have a face? If yes its a Cylon so shoot. If no then its a Cylon but someone already shoot its face off.
Happy Hunting