Last night i saw this movie.... where to begin.
OK the casting. With ever Ewe Boll movie your always looking to be surprised by who he managed to trick ( like a god damn forest sprite) into his movies. This time its Jason Stathams turn. Along for the ride of shame is Ray liotta and Burt Reynolds!
Every now and then an actor has to do something they're not proud of to keep the rent paid... and not everyone can be a prostitute.
So the story is a confusing ride, its a turbulent mess of colourful accents spanning from all corners of the globe; for example Jason has his patented British accent while his apparent son has suburban American, and ol Burt hes just doing his thing regal or not.
I don't know why it was so confusing, It wasn't exactly rocket science but somehow you felt like you couldn't commit, like your brain could be doing better things than trying to follow an estranged German's interpretation of a game he's never played.
But in all things the movies not obviously bad, there's no definitive reason why your feeling sorely tested to keep your eyes and ears open. So its not even that craptacular, it fails in all regards, its only just below the OK mark so its not that funny either. It seems to have no one thing wrong with it you can pin point but thousands of things "just missing the mark". Like every atom in the movie was lightly tinged with failure.. not enough to see what it is but you know its there.
So another thing to notice in the movies arsenal of illusive flaws was the fact that many things were stolen from other movies. So what heaps of movies do that right? Not like this they don't. All the parts stolen are cobbled together in a rickety road of Fuckupery.
The grand battle scene was probably the most mentally taxing part in the movie. It was 20 minutes of brawling. Sounds cool right? Well its not. The battle just didn't really have a point, it was just rabble fighting... for 20 minutes
And when the credits finally roll as if to explain the reason why; the words " A Ewe Boll Film" Fade onto the screen. Thanks Ewe for your celebration of nothing spectacular in any regard.
