And a bottle of rum

Nuff said.

Bam, Zoom, Straight To The Mun

I have been addicted to Kerbal Space Program for a few days. Nothing like reaching your 13th rocket design and realizing its 4 in the morning.

Spy Games

Saw this Ad for the Playstation Phone and thought to myself "this guy looks a little too intense for receiving a call on his mobile gaming device"

i dont even know

So was bored and saw a picture on a news website and with my astounding MS paint skills;

Then after another few computer crashes;

It looks as if his face is being impacted by some unknown force. Maybe physical, maybe emotional. But what a force!

gorilla

My real dad knows karate.. and is a gorilla.

Some Shoops

Just gonna start posting random Photo shopped pictures because I'm bored.

JJ you were a bastard!

This post is about how much Alias fucking sucks. JJ Abrams what the hell were you thinking?
Now I could periodically go through and point out all the things wrong with this show but that's guaranteed RSI. So I'm just going to quickly outline what sucks the most about Alias.

Number One: Everyone is a spy or counter spy, or counter, counter spy. Sydney's Dad, Sydney's Mum, Sydney's Flatmates, Sydney's' ex-boyfriends, Sydney's ex-boyfriends wife's. If Sydney had a fucking cat sitter they would have a deep affiliation with the covert world. At a certain point you would think Sydney would just assume every one she met was a face stealing assassin until proven otherwise.

Number Two: Every single episode involves some kind of covert, high risk mission that only the super agent Sydney Bristo can even attempt. According to my mega statistics mainframe 100% of these missions play out as follows; Sydney dresses up (usually in something really slutty, that if anything will attract far more attention than needed, although it seems that most international terrorists operate in eurotrash night clubs.), then she infiltrates the enemy complex (Eurotrash night club), then she just about achieves the objective when something fucks up (usually because someone hacked into the mainframe and stole all the internets.), then a few henchmen get killed and she barely makes it out. Pretty classic set up, but after watching this same thing play out over and over again it starts to get very very raw, like sanding your eyeballs with fine sandpaper. Just because the sandpaper is classic it doesn't mean you want to rub it on your eyes for 4 seasons (I'm only up to season 4 and it still hasn't changed, if anything its gotten even weaker and more see through.)

Number Three (final one because I'm getting bored of my own jibber): Apparently the CIA is entirely made up of complete retards. Sure they sound like they know what they're doing with their fast talk about complicated, undoubtedly CIA, things but when they let the same man ( Mr Sarc the resident bad guy) escape every week only to show up the next with another devious scheme, it becomes clear that the only prerequisites to joining the CIA is a fancy suit, a smooth quiet voice and an IQ lower than a warm cup of water. Also that Mr Sarc is actually part of Team fucking Rocket.

After watching 3 and a half seasons you start to speak to Alias with some kind of desperate hope that maybe just maybe a merciful god will hear you.
"No! CIA people don't put Sarc on that plane protected by random extras. You know the last four times you tried this he escaped with relative ease ."

That's all I have time for today.

Quick Rage Vent

I absolutely hate it when movies and TV shows over use the "Tarentino" start at the end technique. Sure its fine when its done right, but it seems that Tarentino is the only one who can use it right. Every one else fucks it up royally. Instead of inducing curiosity it just pretty much tells you what happens in the end. Its no longer original or "edgy" (what ever the fuck that means), instead its just annoying. In fact most of the time if you were to just cut the scene in which the movie shows you what's inevitably going to happen at the end it wouldn't even matter, no one would notice. It would surely save you from having to endure 10 minutes of "what the fucks going on".

Although this is incredibly annoying what really, really chaps my ass is when a movie begins at the end, then starts back at the beginning and then when it reaches the end again it plays through the whole start scene again as if it expects the average viewer to forget what they saw and hour and a half before. Again this can work if its done right (eg: snatch) but most of the time its not.

So to wrap this up; Flash Forward is the worst TV show idea that has ever been uttered from Satan's anus.

RIP fun

Well it seems the future is a dim place indeed. I didn't see this coming but the signs were there. The powers that be have deemed LAN play and dedicated servers unnecessary for pretty much every new game coming out. This is some kind of ass hat attempt to stop piracy but all its going to do is make the game less fun for people who actually buy it.
Take Left 4 Dead for example. I bought that game only to find out later on that LAN play is out of the question... unless you pirate it. Thats right the only way to LAN play Left 4 Dead is to do the exact thing they tried to stop by excluding LAN. In fact I'm pretty sure its easier to pirate any game than to fuck around with steam for two days trying to install it.

I am sad that they're trying to turn PC into the xbox. And I'm sad that in this losing war against the pirates all theyre doing is pissing off people who actually pay for their games and creating a situation where its easier and less of a head ache to just download it.

Farewell those fun LAN days and farewell those excellent dedicated servers.

Beats, Bears and Battlestar Galactica

Just a quick review on Battlestar Galactica, I've been watching it recently more out of a curious investigation. Every time I saw BSG on TV it was always incredible boring, and I would ask myself; how can a show about space ship sorties against evil robots be this boring!. So I've watched and discovered something amazing, BGS does intact have a complex and winding plot, full of twists and turns. The only problem is that its the same fucking twist over and over again, you see it turns out they're actually a Cylon, "They" being anyone in question at that moment. Im pretty sure at this stage there's more Cylon's than humans in the fleet, hell! I would be happy if they threw in the classic "She's been dead for 5 years!" just to switch it up a notch. I am really at the stage now where I say to myself while watching "Holy shit! Could it be, there's just no way that... they're not a Cylon. That would be far to unexpected." only to be disappointed in the last 5 minutes of episode with the big reveal that in fact they are a Cylon. What the fuck are they even doing in the fleet? Maybe it's because they're trying to blend in with man kind so perfectly that they think to themselves "Well if I were a real human I wouldn't plot the destruction of the last humans, so for my covers sake I better just flip these pan cakes."

So for the sake of the future I have designed the perfect Cylon test: Does the thing your testing have a face? If yes its a Cylon so shoot. If no then its a Cylon but someone already shoot its face off.
Happy Hunting

POST TIME!

Its been a long time. Christmas has just been and with it comes a new round of games and such to review and bitch about. One game that will not feature in the "Oh god brain rape" category is the newest titlefrom the prodigous studio Infinity Ward, Modern warfare 2. I freaking LOVE infinity ward, they have yetr to make a game that isnt at least good, if not fucking FANTASTIC. The lateset installment is set five years on form modern warfare and without giving anything away, it is another hit. The story, while stupidly short, is engrossing and suitably epic, the enviroments and characters make the game believable as well as and the new weapons are futuristic without being retarded. The only problems with the game I have found are the short story and the lack of dedicated servers for multiplayer.

Im sure SandPeopl will havemore to add but Thats all i have time for for now, so buy this game, it is worth it and extremely enjoyable.

tipsOnHair Doo's

In regard to hair do's:
When considering hair do's one must consider hair not as a "hair", instead one must consider hair on a philosophical nature, because that is hairs nature.
To begin, hair must be tamed when young and supple. When the hairs collective will is chaotic and without order, to tame the hair before its unity becomes strong is imperative.
Once the voice of the hair has been broken it is now time to start thinking of the "do" your hair shall be crafted into. The model infrastructure your hair shall be moulded towards. This is when the nature of the hair must be harnessed into your creative universe. Hair is a fickle species and also self destructive, in essence hair is as paradoxical as us if not more. These paradox's are what one must build upon to create a monumental hair do. Hair must be complex as if each hair strand has an individual opinion and yet they are simple as if they strive in a common goal. Hair must look as if you've just woken up after a night of absolved memories, a sign for all the world to see that says "yeah I know my hairs like this but hey I don't even care", yet the hair must also be refined and obvious that hours of crafting magic in front of the mirror have been sunken into the do.

REMEMBER! that this do is a dangerous road. Stick to the path and pray to the do gods and you'll have a hair do that will rip the fabric of attention asunder. But should you stray from the path or plummet down one of the many pit falls that awaits you, you will have a smoking train wreck atop your head with one casualty, one giant casualty, which is you and your life. So heed the warning and embrace your creativity... but not too much.

TodaysQuote001

From Alien: Resurrection,

Ron Perlman - " Hey whats burning?"


Wheel chair guy - " Us!"


Ron Perlman - "...Shit! Your right!.... Ahhhhh!"


Wheel chair guy - "Ahhhhhhh!"

forTheFuture

Saying I forgot totally about my rating system I've decided to make a new one. This one will also be totally unique in the world of a reviewests arsenal; it will be so horrifically specific no two movies will receive the same. That said this new rating system will have two purposes. The first is to deliver you the some emotions and shit that are supposed to help you decide if you should see the movie or not. I have no idea what the second purpose is but I have no idea how to achieve the first so I'll think about that later. One problem at a time.

mapTime

I was really bored one day so I created a map for a fantasy world that I may or may not use one day. I made it pretty indecipherable, probably so I can leave me options open for most of it but I like the shape. So have a good gape and enjoy. I might post some history on the map in the future, drawing a simple map I cannot do without a tedious and detailed history.